Turning toward the light

It’s midnight on December 31, 2019.

And what a year it has been. I started the year in a very different place than where I am now. It was a year of strength and overcoming. It was a place of discovery and development. Of who I am and the relationship I have with myself. Of who I want to become. I’m trying to release myself from the prison that is time but I’ve always been a sucker for nostalgia. I think it’s my love language. But it’s time to turn my focus to the future and decide what my life will be. I have absolutely nothing holding me back. No job. No apartment. No boyfriend. No pets. Nothing anchoring me to this place. I think the decision to free myself to live my life on my own terms had a domino effect on my healing. It opened me up. It showed me that (excuse the cliche) when one door closes, another door opens. And sometimes you have to be the one to close the door yourself. It takes a conscious and deliberate effort to create the circumstances for the growth you want to achieve. Then again, you’re always growing even when you feel like a withering flower. Remember those plants that grow in the most uninhabitable of places? The ones that creep up through cracks in the sidewalk, and you have to wonder where their roots are laid out, how they manage to soak up any water stuck there under all that concrete. That’s what inspired me this year: life keeps moving no matter the conditions. And you have to do the same. There is no stopping. There is no pity party. Light finds its way through even the smallest of cracks, and it’s your job to turn toward it. Even when it burns, light — the giver of life — is a gift. And we are all connected to it, so we harness its power, and we have it inside of us. And we choose how to use it. My choice for 2020 is to turn toward the light. To use my energy to give. To give my talents the time and attention they deserve, that I deserve. To give my love to friends and family who make life meaningful. To give my abilities to a job that rewards me with good pay and respect. To give my spare time to someone who needs it. I feel wiser in mind, younger in spirit, and happy at heart. And I’m ready to see what 2020 has in store.